Weight: 185… My new, all time high. Yay.
The Failed New Year Resolution
I’m 3 months over due on my cliché New Year Resolution of losing 20lbs and getting fit… Actually, I did the opposite and am up 20lbs or so since then. If you are a data person like me, that’s an average +6-7lbs/month since setting the goal to LOSE the weight. Does that make me the biggest winner?
The Yearly Yo-Yo
I’ve been a yo-yo gain/loser for 6+ years. Every year for the last 6 years I have GAINED 20-40lbs and every year for the last 6 years I have lost 10-30lbs. 2017 has kicked off with me gaining at a whole new speed, an additional 2-3lbs/month faster than my usual yo-yo routine.
Prior to 2017, I would yo-yo to the point where my pants would get quite tight and finally I would snap into action, research and plan out how I will lose weight and at least lose enough weight to the point of not-so-tight pants, ‘treat myself’ (aka go crazy) and the cycle would start over again.
I have hit a new low though, today I am physically unable to button the largest pair of pants I own.
Major life changes left health on the back burner
I had 4 somewhat major life events in 2016 and I think the combination led me to stress and anxieties that contributed to my faster than average weight gain:Read more
- My Wedding: This is such a happy one. I married the love of my life last year! But throwing a dream wedding is stressful. Then once your married, there’s the stress of managing finances, learning to coexist as a married couple and merge our lives.
- New Job: Getting ramped up on a new job can be stressful. You’re trying to learn new things at rapid speeds and make a good impressions and I certainly have the tendency to take on too much and overwork myself.
- House: We bought a house, so cool! But suddenly our expenses have doubled and we have a whole lot more responsibility… can’t just call the landlord to fix the broken shower anymore!
- A few minor medical events:
- I had two minor surgeries in the fall that I of course used as an excuse to not exercise (neither surgery actually would prevent me from most exercises) and then of course gorge myself.
- December 2016 my doctor told me I was clinically overweight… She was legally required to give me a pamphlet on how to read nutrition labels… Which is a stupid law because the pamphlet was not at all helpful (obviously since I’ve put on the additional weight since that encounter).
Feelings of Shame and Self Doubt
- Pants wide open: I mean seriously, this is embarrassing. Don’t worry, I reluctantly ordered a size 12 pair of pants.
- Largest in the room: I’ve probably been the largest person before (I mean I am tall and have never been ‘skinny skinny’) but this last week while enjoying some warmer weather (think: less clothes), I was painfully aware of my size. I wanted to make myself smaller, I felt myself slouching, I wore sweaters in 75 degree weather, and I felt like I was the sore thumb every where I went.
- My love life: My husband is so supportive of me and I know he loves me no matter what. That being said, the extra weight created self doubt: “He doesn’t think I’m attractive”, “Why would he want to sleep with me when I’m this fat”, “He hates all of my complaining”, “He’ll surely want to leave me if I continue to annoy him about this”.
- My work life: I have a job where I need to talk to a variety of people at all levels, sell them on ideas and data and teach them things. I need to show confidence in my work and myself to be taken seriously but the extra weight has made me less and less confident.
- My social life: I hardly want to go out with friends [see ‘Largest in the Room’ above]. The previously enjoyable process of getting dressed and done-up is daunting now. How can I be social when I feel gross and self concious? Are my friends and acquintances going to think, ‘when did she let herself go…’?
Jumping into Action
There’s nothing like having your pants wide open to inspire you to get healthy.
- First, I am betting $1000 that I WILL lose the weight and have kept it off. I love this because I’m betting against MYSELF, will get my health back AND win some good money to buy myself some new clothes! Read about the bet here.
- Second, I decided I’m going to blog about what I’m doing to get in shape. I’ve learned a lot over the last 6 years about health/nutrition/exercise/motivation and I have more to learn so I can keep the weight off. I’ll document all of that here and provide a monthly progress update.
- Third, I will have a monthly action plan laying out the actions I plan to take each month as well as a monthly health report where I reflect on how it went. Read about this month’s here.
Cheers to the online fat-to-fit journey! Wish me luck.